Barsexuality is the new black.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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