I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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