you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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