Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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