For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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