does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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