when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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