So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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