My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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