you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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