His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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