I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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