His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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