i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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