I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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