people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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