soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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