id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm having to shit out rocks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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