can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i don't like sucking hair
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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