just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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