Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I touched a dick in church today
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize