Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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