I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im holly from the hills drunk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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