sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize