I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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