Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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