well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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