Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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