and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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