mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize