i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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