You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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