I heard we made out
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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