Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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