Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize