Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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