I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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