I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize