so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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