why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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