Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

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  (267): If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to http://tfl.nu/tvy7
  Replies (59) Good night (4782) Bad night (1102)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them

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  (314): my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them http://tfl.nu/57b7
  Replies (7) Good night (3330) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.

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  (678): The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic. http://tfl.nu/0ai8
  Replies (56) Good night (10059) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5269) Bad night (1355) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.

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  (706): Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus. http://tfl.nu/wtrd
  Replies (16) Good night (828) Bad night (3479) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

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  (802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo
  Replies (14) Good night (979) Bad night (5603) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.

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  (845): Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes. http://tfl.nu/h1wx
  Replies (2) Good night (2668) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.

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  (+44): I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage. http://tfl.nu/0e7q
  Replies (7) Good night (2691) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.

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  (250): God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not. http://tfl.nu/2nya
  Replies (6) Good night (1986) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?

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  (719): We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You? http://tfl.nu/a56a
  Replies (6) Good night (1980) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.

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  (208): That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality. http://tfl.nu/t1cp
  Replies (9) Good night (914) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (596) Bad night (3237) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted

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  (860): I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted http://tfl.nu/pesj
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  (428): View more from

  Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.

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  (428): Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale. http://tfl.nu/liut
  Replies (2) Good night (444) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?

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  (706): I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get? http://tfl.nu/m9m9
  Replies (2) Good night (457) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt

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