Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Randomize
Follow @tfln