Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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