I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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