Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize