I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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