Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

with a sacreligious after taste.

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(847): It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut. (1-847): with a sacreligious after taste. http://tfl.nu/wzar

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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(662): Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning (780): I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk http://tfl.nu/o2k0

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(561): View more from Florida

if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat

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(561): if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat http://tfl.nu/bqtg

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(913): View more from Kansas

Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

(1-913): View more from Kansas

What's going on tomorrow?

(913): View more from Kansas

Nothing, it's Wednesday

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(913): Let's make jello shots for tomorrow (1-913): What's going on tomorrow? (913): Nothing, it's Wednesday http://tfl.nu/pnp1

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(315): View more from New York

Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

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(315): Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication. http://tfl.nu/41jl

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(630): View more from Illinois

The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

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(630): The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking. http://tfl.nu/uq3n

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(614): View more from Ohio

My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

(1-614): View more from Ohio

You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

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(614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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(413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt

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(319): View more from Iowa

Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.

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(319): Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up. http://tfl.nu/ktvf

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk

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(704): She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk http://tfl.nu/c7yo

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(408): View more from California

Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?

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(408): Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar? http://tfl.nu/xsyo

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(513): View more from Ohio

That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber

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(513): That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber http://tfl.nu/t4y1

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(616): View more from Michigan

Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man

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(616): Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man http://tfl.nu/3epz

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(812): View more from Indiana

gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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(812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe

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(928): View more from Arizona

YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?

(1-928): View more from Arizona

...and?

(928): View more from Arizona

I hate when you're right.

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(928): YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!? (1-928): ...and? (928): I hate when you're right. http://tfl.nu/4pb8

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