the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize