the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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