I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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